4 weeks 5 days pregnant

We got great blood test results yesterday, hcg 451, progesterone 180. (last 2 cycles my hcg was 9 and 20) I’m still in complete shock that i’m actually pregnant!
When my doctor went on to start discussing growth ultrasounds and booking to start seeing an obstetrician it was the wierdest feeling in the world. Although I knew that came next it was just so wierd, the thought of me- the one always wishing to be pregnant but never actually getting pregnant- going to a pregnancy doctor, I felt like it was in a dream and to be quite honest I feel quite unprepared. I got off the phone and thought, do I see a gp first? or is that just if you need to confirm pregnancy before seeing one? do I see a midwife instead? I feel kind of silly to after all this time of research and googling about baby related things to feel rather clueless as to what I do now that i’m actually pregnant ha but It will be fine i’ll make some phone calls and figure it out

I can hardly believe this is actually happening, that I have a tiny poppy seed sized baby inside me. I’m of course scared that it’s so early and a lot of babies don’t make it but even if the worst were to happen this would still feel like a huge monumental step in the right direction. I feel like it would be quite likely that we would get pregnant easily now that we have discovered that the steroid prednisilone works for me. Either that or I just got lucky with the right embryo this time but either way, this is farther than I’ve ever come before and no matter the outcome it will still feel like a huge leap towards our goal, even if we had to start trying again we would be trying with the knowledge that I can get pregnant with a very promising hcg that indicates a lasting pregnancy which is so much better that trying but not knowing if I ever could. This is massive. I cant believe that I will never again have to wonder if my body is capable of getting propperly pregnant. I can’t believe that we are so close to our dream, that it’s growing in my belly right now. This dream that I dreamt for so long is right here with me after all these years. I had accepted that I quite possibly wouldn’t be pregnant in 2014 like I had hoped, I was planning for another year of ivf, the new tests that we would be doing if this cycle didn’t work but instead I get to plan for a baby. Our baby. Instead I get to go into target and choose out tiny clothes for a baby that finally exists. Long sleeves for 0-3 month size, short sleeves for 3-6 months, a few 0000 size because Benny is sure that we will have a prem baby (ivf babies are more likely to be prem plus he, his sister, niece and nephew all came early so he’s quite possibly right) This is crazy, a dream, something that has felt out of reach for so long, yet here it is. I get to soak it in and start new dreams knowing that a little baby will most likely be part of them come the 9th of august next year

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